If you’re gonna make me wait 30 minutes after my reservation and then charge me $100 a person and then make me go to a fast food joint afterwards cuz we’re all still so hungry (true story) than the food better blow my mind and my gaskets and everything else there is to blow.

Alma….oh Alma…how on earth did you manage to snag Bon Appetite’s Best New Restaurant in America??? Money must have exchanged some hands, that’s for sure.

For legal reasons, I do NOT know that for sure.

Local, seasonal ingredients? Check.

Pretty, artful presentation? Check.

Creative, inspired food combinations? Check.

Bland and weird tasting? CHECK!

While some folks want to eat PIGEON, I don’t. I tried it, mind you. But it was gamey and undercooked.

Almost every single dish could have used some salt (except for the dish that was too salty). How did all this pretty food get so bland??

The Seaweed and Tofu Beignet’s were fun sounding but they were that one dish that needed less salt. And more actual flavor. Would have liked the sauce to have a more citrus tart to it.

I didn’t try the Sweetbreads but my dining companions (Siegfried and Roy) enjoyed it.

Here are four dishes that I really enjoyed:

Housemade Bread: It’s this really deep rye with a nice crispy crust that I just really loved.

Beet, yogurt, lime, mind: Simple but well executed with pleasant, familiar flavors. Tiny portions, of course.

Cod, potato, cabbage, malt: I think the “malt” was thrown in there just to be unique for unique’s sake, but the fish was perfectly cooked and the flavors and sauces were super tasty. Favorite dish of the night.

Sunchoke Split: The combo of a root vegetable, wood and ash flavors sounded super odd but everything worked so well together. Delicious and very inspired.

Here’s one dish that I hated:

Gary Carpenter’s Pigeon: Not sure who you are Gary, but I don’t much like how’s your collecting those poor scavengers from local parks and then trying to pass them off as food. To be honest, it wasn’t Gary’s fault (whoever the hell he is) but pigeons are naturally gamey.

This one seemed extra gamey. Like it was injected with “Game Extract”. Not necessary, Chef Ari Taymor! I’m sure you don’t give an eff what I think, but you (or a minion) also greatly undercooked this bird (which was duck-like in texture).

Next time, stop trying to do something so weird/unusual just because and just serve items that you KNOW people are going to like and just add a few offbeat touches.

Because I’m some kind of expert. I’m not, I’m an idiot who has unresearched opinions and writes the word “unresearched” even though Auto-Correct is clearly telling me it’s not a word.

To end on a good night, the servers and hostess were all very friendly and lacked the pretentiousness I was expecting. Those trendy, Scandinavian chairs were super comfy and they didn’t cram each table next to each other. Every table got their own personal space and privacy.

Alma clearly is doing something right because the place was packed and reservations at this 39 seat restaurant located downtown LA can be very hard to come by.

They just need to hire one of those “Fresh Cracked Pepper?” guys from the Olive Garden to come around with the same situation…except with salt.

(SPECIAL NOTE: I inadvertently screwed up my camera settings so my photos are all pretty inconsistent with lighting and overall blurry or blown out and awful. Forgive me. I guess even my camera knew the food wasn’t worth capturing well)

952 S Broadway
Los Angeles, CA 90015
(213) 444-1422
alma-la.com