Our first meal in Africa! Half British (Sausage and beans) and half African (Purple Yams and Cassava)

When you envision exotic travel, your mind likely ends up somewhere in Africa. You can’t get much more exotic than that.

Pretty much everything which is the exact opposite of your every day life, happens in Africa.

Rugged, prehistoric landscapes, extreme poverty, tribal life, neck rings, beautiful wildlife, scary diseases, lush countryside and lots of Tse Tse flies.

Oh, and squat toilets.

Having to question where/when you will perform one of your most crucial and routine daily functions can make anyone start to grow homesick.

You’ll never appreciate an actual toilet seat so much until it’s gone and you’re forced to get all Neanderthal just to poop!

Africa also encapsulates two major bucket list items for many people: Hiking Mt. Kilimanjaro and going on safari.

Both lofty (and pricey) goals, they are also two of the most memorable things you will ever do in your life (after things like marriage, kids, homicide).

We were lucky enough to recently check both life-changing events off our lists as well as putting ourselves through the ultimate torture.

Let me preface by saying that hiking Mt. Kilimanjaro was the hardest thing all four of us had ever done (and probably ever will do).

It was supremely challenging, both mentally and physically, and it’s hard not to feel a little pride for having reached the top without exploding or something.

But don’t let me get ahead of myself.

First, we went on safari.

Awe, safari…something that rich, white folk do and have done for hundreds of years.

Lemme tell ya, a safari in Africa ain’t cheap. You won’t see backpackers roaming the streets looking for hostels and nights of blacking out on local spirits.

In Africa, you stay at luxurious, 5 star lodges with guilt-inducing pampering including gourmet meals and hot ivory massages.

You don’t grab an empty bed at a motel and try the local street food.

You only leave the compound which is your hotel with an escort or driver, you’re not encouraged to just “walk around”, especially at night.

The odd thing is that I never felt unsafe. Never felt I was on the verge of being pick pocketed.

Maybe because we always had an escort with us? Who knows.

All I know is that Tanzania was one of the most beautiful countrysides I’ve ever laid eyes on and the people were really warm and friendly.

I guess feeling cutoff from the locals was a tradeoff I’d have to accept.

Especially since I usually have an irrational fear of being stared at and wandering around the locals often means I have to feel like I must be completely nude or slathered in my own feces.

Why is everyone staring??

Relax, Bun Boy.

In another world, I’d wander around the planet in a burka, quietly observing.

“Don’t look at me, people!! I’m just here to see stuff and make fun of you all later on my dumb blog”.

Is that so weird?


Please note that I borrowed Captian’s camera, which had a smudge on the lens. So some of the pics may seem to be glowing in the center.

All right people, enjoy our African Safari, part #1!

Bacon, Cheese, French Toast and Cornbread

A lot of the bus taxis were colorfully decorated, like party buses. Usually with pics of Bob Marley or famous rappers.

Tanzanians LOVE Obama! Paintings of him were everywhere!

Slaughtering of goats. Sad face.

Woman selling delicious red bananas.

Red Bananas are the BEST!

Whatchu looking at, dummy?

Entrance to the Ngorongoro Crater National Park. There had better be Rhinos.

Examining the Big Five. A.K. was determined to take each one down with his bare hands.

The Sopa Lodge's beautiful pool overlooking the Ngorongoro Crater

Our first lunch at the Sopa Ngorongoro Crater Lodge.This was a Nicoise Salad

Stuffed Eggplant

Chicken Pesto Spaghetti

I forget...

Pretty decent burger from what I remember....

I'm not a big fan of African ice cream....like reconstituted ice milk powder.

A baboon chillin' at our hotel

A visit to a Maasai village. The Maasai are the most widely known tribe in Kenya/Tanzania and are known for their bright, red outfits and jumping ceremonies. They weren't letting us go without a bit of jumping on our part too!

Do you remember those Pioneer villages you'd visit as a kid on a school trip? Where they'd churn butter and make candles and chop wood? That's what this Maasai village was like. Come, look at us do forced tribal things for $50. And then we'll parade you around our circle of crafts and guilt you into buying something every five seconds.

Does this watch clash with my blanket? I'll know if you're lying.

A.K. you have a fly on your head. I'm not saying a word.

Our first animal sighting of the day is a lion, yay us!

This guy could not care less about our presence. How rude!

The Big Five are: Lions, Leopards, Cape/African Buffalo, Rhinos and Elephants.

Cape Buffalo are the most dangerous of the Big Five (no joke). They just look mean...

Look up ahead! It's a....oh, just a Gazelle. Basically, Chicken Tenders for Lions.

A.K and Captain in our Safari Landcruiser

Wildebeests. So sexy.

Zebby the Zebra

Hyenas are a pain in the ass (according to Captain)


Those sexy, sexy Wildebeests. Ready for the catwalk.

Don't get too close to the Rhinos!

Watching wild animals itch themselves is one of life's greatest pleasures.

These birds know how to hunt foreign food. You'll lose an eye if you're not careful.