Pretzel Paroxysm - turkey, white cheddar, bacon and tomato relish grilled on a traditional pretzel

I’ve been duped! I’ve been had! I’ve been hoodwinked!

And anything else Scooby and Shaggy would have said after being tricked by an ominous specter.

When I’m told April is National Grilled Cheese Month, hear terms such as “Cheesemageddon” and see posters like this, my heart (and cholesterol) goes all a flutter.

Then Clementine, a local eatery near my work, tells me they’ve created 15 GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICHES in honor of said beloved month, I go apeshit.

It's the end of the world as we know it.

I need a good excuse to brave the madness that is Clementine. The multitude of humans that will surround your table like starving zombies looking for brains (grilled, on toast) is maddening.

These vultures will literally sit their ass on your plate and plop their purse in your lap until the millisecond you’ve finished signing your credit card receipt.

Their bulging eyes and heaving sighs all the while clearly asking “Are you done yet??”

Either side of the coin you’re on (waiting ages for a table or being hounded for yours) it kind of sucks.

I suggest skipping breakfast and coming here at, like, 11 or something.

It were those damned visions of grilled cheeses dancing in my heads (I imagine them dancing about in top hats, kicking up twig-like legs like that sophistocated peanut fellow) that forced me to make the trip.

Ok, back to the hoodwinked part!

Let’s not lie Clementine, just call it what it is. Panini Month with a random Philly Cheesesteak thrown in for good measure.

While these sandwiches were fine, they were NOT grilled cheeses!!

I wanted each one to be a traditional GC (Lord, I’m sick of typing those two words) with something random thrown in. Like green chilis, corn chips or lime popsicles.

Just give me lots of ooey cheese being spat from the mouth of some traditional grilled, buttery bread and the rest is up to your imagination.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get that here. Just plenty of…humans.

PLEASE NOTE**

All the photo captions are copied directly from the restaurant’s menu…

1751 Ensley Ave
Los Angeles, CA 90024
(310) 552-1080
http://www.clementineonline.com

A closer look! I'm not gonna lie, this sandwich was very tasty. Not a grilled cheese, but tasty.

Philly Cheesepocalypse - In the 16th Century, grilled cheese seer Cholestradamus predicted that a French roll would collide with thin-sliced ribeye, grilled onions, peppers and jalapenos, American and Provolone cheeses in an explosion of flavor that would destroy hunger forever - or at least until breakfast.

Meatballs of Fire - Spicy chicken meatballs with jalapeno jack, avocado and cilantro on semolina bread