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Even as you finish the fabulous dessert, the St. Regis doesn't let you forget that all this must have set someone back quite a bit...

Last year I did something huge. Something I’ll never forget.

I married one of my best friends.

At first I thought they were joking when Bonnie and Clyde asked me to officiate at their wedding.

How would I succeed at NOT making this into a colossal joke?

Were they for real?

They were. For proof, watch the music video at the bottom of the page.

First step was to get ordained.

Online, of course.

Anyone can do it, it only takes minutes and it’s free!

Reverend Bun Boy at your service. FYI, I don’t come cheap.

For months we rehearsed what I would say. Every word was memorized.

Bonnie was a tyrant.

We’d meet at their place over wine, dinner or just a sunday morning 30 minute quickee.

Eventually, the big day was upon us.

Even though I had every word committed to memory (spent every waking moment at the hotel muttering under my breath as all my friends hung out by the pool) I still was terrified that I would mess up such an important day for two dear friends.

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The St. Regis. Are you kidding me?? This ain’t no backyard, bud light wedding. This is legit. Crap. This is Fancy Town.

Am I really going to do this??

Game time.

The music’s playing, guests are being seated, I’m having a half dozen mini heart attacks.

I see all my friends sit down, which helps ease my mind.

Until the music stops.

Before I know it, the entire wedding party has waltzed their happy asses down the aisle and it’s time for me to shine.

I start my spiel and panic as I realize everyone’s still standing and I’ve got to tell them to sit down somehow.

I continue speaking, looking nervously around while guests shift uncomfortably and then stop.

“Sorry, you guys can sit down now”.

It gets a laugh. Thank GOD!

Bonnie, Clyde and I were all fitted with two sets of microphones. One for the videographer (see the awesome wedding music video at the bottom) and one so the audience could hear.

Unfortunately, a mishap occured (my absymal memory prevents me from recalling exactly what) and the cherished guests could hear me all right (don’t say anything dumb or obscene, Bun Boy!) but only silence when the bride and groom began their vows.

Shit!

What to do? What to do?

I tried to lean in super close to catch their words on my microphone. I realized how awkward this looked as I was basically standing an inch away from them! Like a really obtrusive stalker.

Just pretend you don’t see me, folks!

During the entire ceremony I see the terror in Bonnie and Clyde’s eyes. We are all so petrified of messing up such a perfect moment, on such a perfect day.

Before we knew it, the “I Do’s” were said and they were walking down the aisle.

I whipped out my Blackberry and posted the picture on Facebook.

I kind of wish I would have waited a bit longer.

Like until the ceremony was over or something.

“Where’d they find this hack preacher?” I suddenly grew paranoid guests were asking themselves.

Phew! It was all over. I washed down the melancholy and bittersweetness with loads of champagne.

People said I did really great which was a welcomed relief that I have such good liars as friends.

Later on in the night, I did something unthinkable. Horrific. A bride’s worst nightmare.

I SPILLED RED WINE ON HER WEDDING DRESS!!

TWICE!!

Thank god it was made of material where it brushed right off. Someone had stain guarded it!

All in all, it was a fairy tale wedding. Everything went perfectly. It was a beautiful day neither of us will ever forget and I’m so proud that Bonnie and Clyde, the nauseatingly perfect couple, deemed me worthy of pulling this off.

Love you guys!!

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All three of us, hearts in our throats! Even my tie was trying to make a getaway!

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The Gang's all here! Oh, except the Bride. Slippery little devil!

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Some green crap and a delicious fried goat cheese nugget

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Delicious steak and a dead man's finger...

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Four Drunk Sluts, I mean Four Happy Friends

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Vision blurred as the night progressed...

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Dancing into happily ever after...

WANNA SEE HOW IT ALL WENT DOWN? CLICK ON THE LINK BELOW:

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