Today’s meal is in honor of celebrity chef, Paula Deen and her new found friend, Diabetes.

Never in my life have I made such a high fat, high maintenance meal.

Two days dedicated, in some fashion, to frying some chicken.

It all started at LA’s trendy new organic butchers, Lindy and Grundy.

If you’ve been dying to spend $26 on ONE MEASLY 3 POUND CHICKEN, Lindy and Grundy are the tatted up, Bettie Page lookalikes for you!

Luckily, I needed their services to cut up the chicken into proper frying pieces, so I rationalized that this service normally costs about $20.

I also spent an additional $7 bucks for their lard. It had better be free range, dammit.

I took these high class chicken chunks home and soaked them overnight in a buttermilk, garlic and hot sauce bath.

This step was really worth it, folks.

The next day, I devoted my entire evening to not screwing up this chicken.

I think we ate around 10:30 pm or something, geez! The chicken turned out perfectly, although I might season the flour a bit more next time.

I roasted a head of garlic in the oven for about 40 minutes to squeeze into the mashed pots.

I took the time to push the cooked potatoes through a ricer to make them fluffy. While this did work, I’ll NEVER do it again. How f’ing annoying! Or maybe my ricer thingy is a piece of shit?

Corn sauteed in bacon grease is the only way to go. I used fresh corn off the cob so the kernals didn’t become a soggy mess.

I guess some buttery biscuits or some gravy might have gone well with this meal but didn’t want Guiness Book of World Records contacting me for most calories consumed by a human in 5 minutes (I’m a fast eater) or the police swinging by to circumvent this obvious suicide attempt.