Bun Boy Eats LA
BUN BOY EATS LA - Archives for 2011 July

STORIES FROM HOME…

  • July 30, 2011 9:34 am

My childhood home. That top bedroom was mine! (all 4 X 4 of it)

Hi folks I’m in Washington state visiting the family for my father’s birthday. I flew up as a surprise to dad, which he appreciated.

I was also thanked by some beautiful weather this weekend.

My parents have a lovely home and a very nice bathroom. The shower, on the other hand, is a different matter.

The walls are coated in medicinal blue plastic; I feel like I’m in a hospital shower, prepping before surgery.

The little plastic shelves are chock full of hundreds of random gels and body washes. Many of them 100% empty, caps missing, bottles smothered in dried remnants of what they were once filled with.

And somehow several of the bottles are permanently smashed, like someone let Frankenstein take a shower before a hot date!

I look around for anything masculine to clean up with.

One lone, widdled bar of Ivory soap…the texture of an elephant’s heel.

I have a feeling my poor father has to resort to washing with cucumber, cocoa butter and oatmeal jojoba when he just wishes there was as bottle marked “CLEAN”.

We make our way to Wal Mart for my routine visit. For when you want to feel like a supermodel.

I peruse the men’s clothing section, overwhelmed by the selections of formless, colorless, oversized options. Many with elastic wastebands. Their “Small” size best fits a small horse.

On the way home from purchasing some $12 dollar shoes, my mother tells me the conversation she had with my 6 year old niece.

“I want some cheetos”, Ava insists.

“I’m not going to buy those anymore because they make grandma fat”.

“But you already ARE fat” Ava pleads.

Then while tailgating someone in front of her, I tell her “Rear ending him won’t prove your point, Mom”.

“I’ll do what I want!”

Onions from my mother's garden.

"Take a picture of my carrots, too!"

We hang out a bit at home, I do a little writing, my father tinkers with the 17 computers that surround his recliner and my mother begins to prepare her famous Bacon Pineapple Baked Beans. BPBB, for short.

BPBB!

I see, out of the dozen or so cans of baked beans (she cheats a bit) she had purchased, two are left.

“Why didn’t you use these beans? Too much?”

“You can never have too much beans!”

“Why didn’t you use THESE beans?”

“Because I had too much!”

Let the Popsicle frenzy begin!

Pool time! (Ava showing off her six pack)

Ava and Liam's little house....spoiled brats.

While everything is cooking, Mom and I head out to do a little shopping and as we park at the shop, she says “Where’s my wallet?”

After a panicked 5 minute strip search of the vehicle and calls to father and the grocery store we were just at, we drive back home for the much anticipated full body cavity search of the residence.

She finds it in another purse, oddly enough. While the phone is propped in her ear to the bank, cancelling her credit cards.

We drive back to the shop, we park , then, “Where’s my cell phone?!”

I get out of the car immediately “I’m not doing this again mom, let’s go!” “But..” “Forget it, it’s fine, let’s go!”

When we arrive home, I hear “Who’s BBQ’ing the meat?”

“Dad can do it!” I respond.

“It’s his birthday, you do it!” mom retorts.

Then I hear her mutter in the kitchen “I have a houseguest that does nothing but sit on his butt on his blackberry”.

Kids, 24 - Popsicles, 0

My grandparents and rest of the family arrive for the BBQ. We finish eating in what it appears to be 38 seconds and then adjourn to the lawn to watch the kids play in the pool and on the expansive swing estate/play compound.

I must admit pangs of jealousy strike on occasion as my rusted old swing set from childhood pales in comparison to the behemoth fun factory for my niece and nephew.

Lovely country table setting...crystal bowl filled with DORITOS.

As my father inadvertently gives 2 year old Liam a glass of wine, I overhear my grandfather coming from the house telling my mother the asparagus I grilled “was a disaster”.

To be honest, he didn’t know who cooked it but was ready to give his 3 cents on the proper method to ensure a baby food like texture.

My British grandmother mentions she had purchased a smashing hat I might like and I ask suspiciously where she bought it from.

She thinks for a moment, realizing my accusatory tone, and says the name of the first non-thrift store she can think of.

My facial expression is incredulous.

“No, Bryan. I haven’t been to one of those places in weeks! I’m over it. Done with ’em.”

Watching the insults fly...

Snow White demands more popsicles!

Costume change #7

As I play on the swings with the kiddos, I hear my grandmother enquire loudly “Does anyone know how much Bryan weighs?”

“Grandma!” I yelp.

“I just wanted to make sure the swingset can hold the lot of you”.

We enjoy the rest of the afternoon, have a brief rest and then head out to take dad to see Harry Potter for his birthday.

Dad hates driving too fast (or too slow), hates crowds (actually, just people) noise, uncomfortable seats and any sort of waiting.

So, we gave dad quite the birthday gift with all of the above!

As my trip comes to an end, I must admit that I love coming home. I’m utterly relaxed, love spending time with my family and their beautiful home…

…and let’s face it, these blogs write themselves!

Exhausted after winning the popsicle war...

TAVA – BOLLYWOOD!

  • July 29, 2011 8:12 am

Masala Fish (or slightly jaundiced tongues)

Everyone should go see a Bollywood movie once in their lives.

If you’ve got an entire day to kill.

Artesia, the home of Los Angeles’s Little India, is about an hour south, in traffic.

Unfortunately, Artesia is just your typical, bland township. Except the strip malls are filled with Indian businesses rather than TGIF’s. Oh sorry, there are those too.

And the air literally smells like Indian spices, it’s a trip! (just not a trip to India)

Crispy Eggplant Sliders

I’m kind of disappointed that travelling to these concentrated ethnic pockets aren’t more like walking around the streets of New Delhi or Bangkok. I don’t know why they can’t just make these neighborhoods more like cheesy movie sets. Much more fun for us tourists.

They should take a note from America’s Chinatowns. THEY have it right, no stereotype missed.

Mini Samosas

The lobby of the Bollywood theater is just like your typical cineplex. The temperature of which, just slightyl cooler than the surface of the sun .

(Wait, they DID bring a part of New Delhi to LA!)

And the concession stand served Indian snacks, like Samosas. Very cool.

Paneer (not chicken) Picata

We didn’t really know anything about the film selections available to us, so we just pointed and clicked and ended up seeing a buddy road trip comedy…..

…which was 3 hours long!

It was so long, they stopped the film halfway through, displaying the words “INTERMISSION” on the screen.

A much needed bathroom break had been granted. This is when I realized I was the only non-Indian in the theater.

I was disappointed when there weren’t any random, obligatory song and dance numbers but, then again, they were not at ALL necessary to the plot.

Then, 2 hours into the movie, my wish was granted when one of the characters broke out into song at a very opportune time. In the back seat of a car, on a road trip through the Spanish desert.

I knew something was up as his face lit up and the music grew more intense.

He’s either going to sing…or crap his pants.

Then, came the over the top musical number where these three masculine men are bouncing around with some flamenco dancers and I was like, “This is what I came for. This is Bollywood”.

Except I didn’t just think it, I serenaded the audience as I shimmied and bobbed out of the theater, to the non-existant beat.

Dinner at Tava was exceptional. Really creative and delicious Indian dishes in a slightly upscale setting.

I loved everything I devoured, especially the fish featured at the top and the decadent, deadly chocolate samosas below!

My Bollywood day was complete!

Nutella Strawberry Samosas

THE WAFFLE

  • July 26, 2011 7:38 pm

Waffle Grilled Cheese

All my life I’ve been a bargain hunter. I get this frugality from my grandma, who took me around to garage sales and thrift stores as a child.

Everything we purchased had to be sanitized.

Nothing we purchased was from this or the last decade.

Every store we went into carried an overwhelming stench. Urine pools on the ground, left by incontinent, elderly shoppers were sadly, common.

Purchasing name brand products were not part of my upbringing.

In fact, I’ve not had to pay a dime for a single piece of furniture in my bedroom. I guess I’m Hand-me-down Harry!

All my life, the same has rung true for clothes shopping.

I spend as little as possible on every article of clothing and now I realize the downfall of this behavior (besides looking like shit).

I needed some dress shoes for two weddings this year and ended up purchasing the cheapest pair that still looked somewhat decent.

Made by a company I’ve never heard of.

One month later, the thinest “leather” known to man began to peel pretty dramatically. A stiff breeze must have blown, destroying my bargain.

If I would have just spent a little more money, I would have owned a pair of shoes I could have kept for years.

I now know TWO THINGS to be true that I’ve always heard others spout my whole life.

You get what you pay for.

You spend $4 for a 10 pack of underwear from Wal Mart, you’ll soon be punished as you discover the pair you’re wearing dangling out of your pant leg!

A man needs a good watch (or a good cell phone), a good suit and a good pair of shoes.

I have no problems purchasing disposable shirts and pants (if you dare wash H&M clothing, you render it unwearable) because I have a short attention span and tire easily of wearing the same thing.

But you gotta have a few pieces of high quality shit.

Just like Mama always says.

What does all this have to do with The Waffle?

Nothing.

I’ve already blogged about The Waffle and I felt my musings today were more important to share with all of you.

Bun Boy has spoken.

ROAD TO SEOUL

  • July 23, 2011 8:59 am

The perfect bite....once you add some hot sauce.

Last week I had Korean BBQ (LA has the highest population of Korean’s outside of Korea, so you can imagine our Koreatown is pretty top notch) with a friend I’ve known since first grade.

And I’ll be honest here, he’s gotten kind of fat.

And it kind of turned the mirror on me to how much weight I’VE gained!

When you’ve known someone since the days you were pissing in your bed (without the help of alcohol) you see them go through a lot of transformations.

Both physically and mentally.

I’ve seen him go from class clown, sit in the back and make fun of everyone to hard ass, humorless marine to religious schoolteacher!

Vegetarians rejoice, we saved the onions just for you!

I’ve also seen him go from rail-thin swim hours a day to over 200 pounds, let’s have two Burger King Whoppers each and watch “Full Metal Jacket” the NIGHT BEFORE he was to receive the call to report to Marine Boot Camp!

I remember snapping a picture of the poor guy the morning he shipped off. He was kind of terrified, still maintaining his consta-smirk, giving me a “wish me luck” wave. Poor guy wanted just a little more time to get into shape and maybe watching a war themed horror movie the night before wasn’t ideal.

It tasted like kimchi...

Then he came back from the Marines. Something had changed. It was liked they had sucked the personality right out of him. The good news was, they also sucked out all the fat!

I was bummed. I felt like I had lost him to the system.

Then over the years, he married a sweet Ecuadorian lady, and found God.

During his 3rd metamorphasis, he shunned his previous ways, scolded me for swearing and became very judgemental.

A few years teaching ingrates in East LA must have mellowed him out, because my old friend is back! He’s now the perfect combo of all the things he’s been over the years.

I guess being told to “F*** Off!” by your 8th Grade students on a daily basis takes a bit of your humanity away.

Now, the two of us can go pig out on pounds of meat and then unncessarily get frozen yogurt and sit and make fun of everyone (I’ve probably learned most of my mockery skills from this man), just like the old days.

Except, in the old days we didn’t know what Manboobs were…

Korean Pancake - delicious!

URTH CAFE – LAKE STREET CREAMERY

  • July 20, 2011 6:55 pm

Spinach Salad with three lone pecans!

I’ve been pretty bad lately. Clandestine visits to drive-thrus. Eating fried, esoteric delights.

Like an addict seeking his fix, I’ve not had the heart to share many of these scandalous meals with my fans.

Meals so calorically dense, if my plane were to crash in the Andes today, no one need worry I would resort to cannibalism.

Today, I wanted to consume foodstuffs foreign to my belly’s current routine.

So I was punished severely with the MOST BORING SALAD I’VE EVER EATEN.

Now, I’ve had some doozy’s. Usually one’s I’ve made myself. I usually have to dump some refried beans on top to make it edible.

No beans were made available to me at the trendy and dull local chain, Urth Cafe.

“They have the best coffee!” people brag.

Yes, and the worst salads.

The dressing was supposed to be “Peppercorn”.

Let me assure you, no peppercorns were harmed in the making of this dressing.

I fear the cooks took turns sneezing on the salad; giving it that slight, gossamer dew.

To rectify the blandness I had subjected my system to, I went and devoured some ice cream.

The Lake Street Creamery ice cream truck was parked right out front of my office.

The picture below is an amalgamation of pancake, syrup, bacon chunks topped with coffee grounds.

It more than made up for the pathetic salad.

In flavor and calories.

However, I’m writing this in between sprints to the toilet. I’m unsure this summer treat was really meant for human consumption…much like my salad!

The Pancake Breakfast

BREADBAR

  • July 19, 2011 10:15 pm

French Macaroon

In honor of Bastille Day, I decided it was a good idea to gorge myself silly on some french grub.

So, I chose the cutest, most quaint little French bistro around….at the mall across the street.

I ordered all my favorite comfort food. The French Onion soup and mixed berry tart; incredible.

The Croque Monsieur (grilled ham and cheese) was ok, but a little dry. I wanted it more buttery, more…FRIED.

All in all, this is probably one of my most boring reviews.

And you know what you’re gonna do about it?

You’re gonna just deal with it and think about all the my other great reviews. You’ll also realize that no one’s perfect and go have a glass of wine or something.

Geez! I mean, sacrebleu!

Croque Monsieur

Who sneezed on the floating severed fish head??

Mixed Berry Tart

BACON CHEDDAR CHIVE SCONES

  • July 18, 2011 8:05 pm

Not only can my friend Jebeddiah throw a mean movie premiere, but he can bake the crap out of pretty much anything!

I should convince him to quit that dead end job and do this for a living!!

Solvang Aebelskivers – RIP Carolyn Bowersox

  • July 18, 2011 8:39 am

Today’s blog honors a dear, sweet lady who has recently passed away.

She’s the mother of a good friend, both of which I’ve known for over 10 years.

I have a lot of memories of Carolyn, her home and of Santa Barbara wine country.

I spent one of my first Christmases away from my familly in Washington with the Bowersox’s. Carolyn was one of the warmest, most accepting people I’ve ever met. I was immediately made to feel like part of the family.

I was also close to Carolyn’s daughter, Kim, who died of cancer a few years ago.

Every time we drove up north to spend the weekend at Carolyn’s house, I’d make sure Thelma and Louise would procure Aebelskivers for me.

Aebelskiver’s are a danish pancake ball covered in raspberry jam and Solvang, where Carolyn lives, is famous for them.

Before the funeral, I drove to Solvang Restaurant and purchased a container of Aebelskiver’s from the walk-up window eating them quietly on the curb. Thinking of Carolyn and her daughter Kim.

And how much they both are missed.

LE PETIT FOUR

  • July 15, 2011 10:16 am

Broccoli and Leek Quiche, with wet greens

I knew only one thing, today.

I wanted to eat at an outdoor cafe on Sunset Blvd, people watch and drink.

Chesty and I had just bombed a game show audition and needed to drown our sorrows.

FYI, Courtney Cox is creating a new celebrity trivia game show and apparently they only want grotesquely cheery folk to play their silly game.

As neither of us were ex-cheerleaders (and the fact that I CHOKED when it came time to be funny) we were shockingly, not chosen.

Chesty was SO pissed at me!

“I’m fine. I just want half of the $100,000 we would have won.”

Anyhoo, there are MANY of these prosaic, little cafes on Sunset, and filled with annoying people donning enormous sunglasses trying to see and be seen.

Today, they were us.

However…

MY MEAL WAS BORING!!!

I love quiche, people! Don’t piss me off and serve me a crappy one!!

If only I had some hot sauce to drown it in.

If only a grain or two of salt had been used in its preparation.

I must remain calm, we didn’t come here for the cuisine, we came here to drink and people watch.

Mission Accomplished.

Bitterly.

www.lepetitfour.net/

This is why we're really here...

CANTERS – 80TH ANNIVERSARY

  • July 13, 2011 8:30 am

The finest Corned Beef pennies can buy...

Am I crazy?

Did I really think that things were going to go smoothly for Canter’s 80th Anniversary??

They were offering .80 cent Corned Beef sandwiches. I realize full well what free or heavily discounted stuff does to the populous.

It makes them INSANE!

It turns them into post-apocalyptic zombies.

The free tote bag, 40% off coupon or discount adopted baby…

They will wait hours for an autograph, days for a Star Trek premiere.

It wasn’t any different for a lousy sandwich.

It's a mighty long wait if you don't know the secret...

What made me chuckle, was the fact that no one seemed to realize there were actually supposed to be two lines into the restaurant.

One for to-go orders and one for eat in customers.

We waltzed right past the two block long “to go” line, chock full of hungry ignoramuses and we were seated in less than five minutes!

Bun Boy does NOT wait in line.

80 years, 8 balloons and a dizzying ceiling.

Matzo Ball Soup, of course.

Noodle Kugel

Inside was kind of a nightmare, I’m not gonna lie.

Everyone was vying for a spot in the “line” which was more of a mob of people constantly apologizing for purposely cutting in front of everyone else.

Luckily a Canters employee was making lynchburg lemonade out of the lemons and ushering parties to their table at breakneck speed.

What pretty much shocked the hell out of me was the fact that our waitress was super friendly!

I’ve been to Canters many a time. I didn’t normally come for the bright, shining face that would thrust our gruel at us, and count the minutes til we vacated our table.

“Two specials?” she assumed (correctly) as she took our order. (They must HATE this night)

The special was a full Corned Beef sandwich, a pickle, a tiny container of potato salad and a chocolate rugula. All for .80 cents!

It was the perfect evening and meal.

And it was all over in 25 minutes.

Chocolate Rugula