I haven’t done an actual restaurant review in ages. I apologize. I got bored with the whole format.

It’s my website, I’m allowed to eat out and not document and dissect every meal. Am I not?

Sorry to sound cranky, I’m writing this in between urgent trips to the bathroom. I must have accidentally looked at some dairy! 🙁

So, I met Siegfried and Roy at Bistro LQ, a someone new hot spot on Beverly. Voted LA’s #2 new restaurant by LA Magazine.

We were given an amuse-bouche by the short, thin waiter with the obnoxiously messy hair.

It was a spoonful of OCTOPUS tenticle.

I downed my glass of wine and decided, what the hell, and stuck the spoon in my mouth.

And chewed…and chewed…and chewed…

Not delicious.

We started with salads, mine was a circular vegetable salad containing a tempura battered squash blossom and herebed goat cheese. Yum!

I also tried SWEETBREADS for the first time.

By the way, they aren’t sweet. Nor are they a bread product.

They are a brain gland.

And it wasn’t bad!

I then ordered a shameful meal.

Veal.

I’m a bad person.

I was basically bashing the poor baby calf on the skull myself.

And paying a pretty penny to do so.

But it sure was tender and delicious! You could just taste the suffering.

For dessert I ate some pistachio mousse with a SKID MARK surprise.

Was the chef pissed at me??

At least cover your mess with more mousse!

We finished with a cheese platter.

With a special nugget of cheese DIRECTLY FROM HELL.

It was probably the most revolting thing I’ve ever sniffed. And then tasted twice to see if the random dipping sauces and honey’s would improve the ghastly flavor.

This wasn’t just essence of feet. This was rotting corpse feet from a post Hurricane Katrina flooded cemetery.