Bun Boy Eats LA
BUN BOY EATS LA - Archives for 2010 July

THE OAKS GOURMET MARKET

  • July 26, 2010 5:40 pm

Red Velvet Ice Cream Sandwich

Red Velvet Ice Cream Sandwich

I’m a bit of a hypochondriac.

By bit, I mean, every headache is a tumor.

Every stomach cramp is a bleeding ulcer.

I get it from my mother, the nurse.

Nurse Beelzebub!

After rattling off some symptoms I had called her in a panic about, she casually stated, “Well, that’s a sign of MS.”

MS???!!

Daily, she instills in me the fact that “Oh, and yes, that headache IS a tumor”

She’s always been convinced there is a tumor festering inside of her own brain.

I shouldn’t have been surprised that a verbal confirmation that a swollen lymph node is a symptom of HIV would not be my most comforting phone call of the day.

Let’s just say, the ER staff at Cedars- Sinai remembered me the last time I was in.

The reason behind one of my several fun visits was a heart attack turned heart burn.

Damn.

It wasn’t even acid reflux!

The incident occurred shortly after finishing a cup of a Peppermint Mocha from Starbucks. That coffee is very acidic! Deadly, even.

I also fear the day my veneers will fall out.

Every morning I check them to make sure they’re still there and not affixed to my pillow in a small pool of dried blood.

I won’t bite into an apple or chew into a hunk of bread.

I sometimes check them for no reason except that there happens to be a toothpaste commercial on.

They’re my worst enemy.

Captain tells me getting veneers was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made.

“You’re obsessed!!” she rants.

Before I was roped into getting the pricey chiclets, my dentist said in her thick Persian accent: “You have the teeth of a 65-70 year old! If you don’t get veneers, your teeth will break and you’ll have to get caps and they’ll look hideous!”

‘Nuff said. Here’s my credit card, lady.

The Oaks Grocery 001burger

We were told the burger at The Oaks Grocery store was one of the top ten in LA. It’s an upscale deli that also serves some gourmet hot foods, including this undercooked beauty. It was pretty tasty but the ice cream sandwich pictured at the top is the best reason to go. Wow, I should have just injected a pound of sugar directly in my veins.

We also opened up some beers we purchase while sitting at one of their tables watching the World Cup and were promptly scolded angrily “You can drink that in here. It’s against the law!!”

BISTRO LQ

  • July 20, 2010 7:16 pm

Bistro LQ 002

I haven’t done an actual restaurant review in ages. I apologize. I got bored with the whole format.

It’s my website, I’m allowed to eat out and not document and dissect every meal. Am I not?

Sorry to sound cranky, I’m writing this in between urgent trips to the bathroom. I must have accidentally looked at some dairy! 🙁

So, I met Siegfried and Roy at Bistro LQ, a someone new hot spot on Beverly. Voted LA’s #2 new restaurant by LA Magazine.

We were given an amuse-bouche by the short, thin waiter with the obnoxiously messy hair.

It was a spoonful of OCTOPUS tenticle.

Is this Paul the Octopus of World Cup fame??

Is this Paul the Octopus of World Cup fame??

I downed my glass of wine and decided, what the hell, and stuck the spoon in my mouth.

And chewed…and chewed…and chewed…

Not delicious.

We started with salads, mine was a circular vegetable salad containing a tempura battered squash blossom and herebed goat cheese. Yum!

Bistro LQ 003

I also tried SWEETBREADS for the first time.

By the way, they aren’t sweet. Nor are they a bread product.

They are a brain gland.

And it wasn’t bad!

I then ordered a shameful meal.

Veal.

Abused Cow Alert!

Abused Cow Alert!

I’m a bad person.

I was basically bashing the poor baby calf on the skull myself.

And paying a pretty penny to do so.

But it sure was tender and delicious! You could just taste the suffering.

For dessert I ate some pistachio mousse with a SKID MARK surprise.

Bistro LQ 008

Was the chef pissed at me??

At least cover your mess with more mousse!

We finished with a cheese platter.

With a special nugget of cheese DIRECTLY FROM HELL.

It was probably the most revolting thing I’ve ever sniffed. And then tasted twice to see if the random dipping sauces and honey’s would improve the ghastly flavor.

This wasn’t just essence of feet. This was rotting corpse feet from a post Hurricane Katrina flooded cemetery.

BUN BOY EATS PASO ROBLES

  • July 12, 2010 8:24 pm

Paso Robles 2010 4th of July 013

I’m about to out a friend of mine.

Is she gay?

No.

Is she a drug abuser?

Not yet.

Does she tend to shit her pants on numerous occasions?

Yes.

And she’s quite proud of it.

I’ll never forget the first time I encountered her lack of bowel control.

We were in the middle of 5k foot race. 3.1 little miles.

Not a 5 day hike in the Andes.

She ended up discarding her panties in a friend’s trash.

This time I won’t mention her nick name as many of you know her by that.

I’ll just call her PS, lovingly.

Well, a small group of friends and I all rented a charming 100 year old house in Paso Robles for the 4th of July weekend.

Paso Robles 2010 4th of July 018

We squeezed into two cars and drove up the California coast to wine country, where we would spend the next four days enjoying mass quantities of the stuff.

Only for the health benefits, mind you. Antioxidants and crap.

PS and her bf are Paso Robles enthusiasts, they go up there all the time and know all the wineries to go to.

AKA: “This is where we’re going people, I’m sure the wineries you guys like suck!”

Friday afternoon, we arrive at our first winery. Our group is so large, they usually give us our own table.

Paso Robles 2010 4th of July 057

I was making internal bets on how many wineries in until we were asked to leave.

We’re a….gregarious group…

PS brought the fixings for a picnic, so after we got relatively loopy from our first tasting, we opened a few bottles of vino and dug into the cheeses, salami, crackers and grapes.

Several grapes were thrown at people’s heads, naturally.

Paso Robles 2010 4th of July 001

We squeezed in a few more wineries before they all closed for the evening, got ready at the house, and headed out for a casual pizza dinner.

Paso Robles 2010 4th of July 015

I felt like buying a trip to the salad bar (one trip per purchase, please)

PS took her bowl back a second time, barking “Who cares!?” to the one trip rule.

She proceeded to eat carrots and broccoli as if they were a final, death row meal.

PS, prone to bouts of severe, revolting gas, doesn’t seem to care when she crams cabbage and cauliflower down her gullet.

We’re the ones that pay the price.

After an enormous rat crawls over my foot, Loggie and I head home and the rest of them go out and enjoy the “nightlife” which included a bar called the Twisted Kilt.

I found out later that one of our party imbibed so much Jesus Juice, that he ended up disrobing completely on his way walking home. Arriving at our house in ONLY his flip flops.

The next day passes uneventfully. We have an early lunch at Farmstand 46.

Paso Robles 2010 4th of July 055

I dig a potato chip so deeply into my gums, my mouth soon fills with blood and I can feel the flap of loose skin for a week after.

We spent the day driving around the beautiful Paso countryside, visiting 7 wineries, and petting the animals at each one.

Paso Robles 2010 4th of July 021

There’s always a cute dog or a lazy cat at each one to play with.

Free BBQ at the Whalebone Winery!

Free BBQ at the Whalebone Winery!

There’s always a cute dog or a lazy cat at each one to play with.

We visit the winery at which PS will be getting married at next year.

Paso Robles 2010 4th of July 029

I can only hope her wedding dress will have built in Depends undergarments.

By Sunday, I’m a bit sick of wine. And am exhausted. I usually just lay on the grass in front of every other winery, looking up at the wind blowing through the trees.

A tough day of pretending we can tell the difference between all these wines!!

A tough day of pretending we can tell the difference between all these wines!!

My purple stained teeth and my acid reflux began acting up.

Wine Flowers (not really)

Wine Flowers (not really)

Often times I turn to Chesty Morgan and ask “Do you like that wine?”

“Tastes just like all the others!” she replies.

Paso Robles 2010 4th of July 059

We spent that evening playing the game Celebrity, kind of like charades.

Pretty soon the pretty house smelled like Satan’s basement.

Spilled beer, flatulence and someone had unnecessarily micowaved some Manchego cheese that smelled like a nuclear incident.

Monday, we pack up and head to breakfast.

A charming diner called HOOVER’S BEEF PALACE.

I’m surprised we got in, the place was so upscale and exclusive. I was worried my wardrobe didn’t contain enough denim.

I order the largest chicken fried steak on record. I believe it was actually chicken fried sting ray.

chix fried steak

Then I felt the ½ order of biscuits and gravy that accompanied my light breakfast snack would not be enough, so I increased it to a full order.

Ridiculous.

PS ended up devouring most of my dish as well as her own Steak and Eggs.

After we were finished and some of us were waiting everyone to finish using the restroom, PS emerged proudly and proclaimed (laughing hysterically):

“Loggie, I just crapped my pants!”

“What?” Loggie (not too shocked) laughed.

“Seriously, my underwear is in the bathroom garbage!”

We all laughed (and then checked out her story).

Loggie commented “I love that you proudly display your underwear on the top of the trash, not even bothering to cover it with toilet paper!”

“Loggie, am I your little crapper? Am I your pooper?”

PS pouted as she threw her arms around her boyfriend, continuing to laugh so hard I feared there would be another accident.

Unfortunately, both ‘pooper’ and ‘crapper’ are not new terms of endearment for the couple….

And yes, they’re still getting married next year.

I hate lotto winners

  • July 6, 2010 8:23 pm

Bryan Birthday Dinner from Kaisha 2010 006

I hate Joan Ginther.

This woman with a stupid name just won a multi-million dollar lottery.

For the 4th time!!!

(with a friggin’ scratch ticket!!)

That’s just not right.

I don’t believe in the lottery, I think it’s obnoxious.

I think it’s worse than Miley Cyrus’s gummy smile.

I don’t believe in getting ones’ hopes up that high.

No one with teeth and a desire to own outside of a trailer park ever wins.

Yes, I’m jealous.

Jealous that Joan Stupidface will get to add a wing to her tacky, faux finish Vegas crack den and procure a few dozen more mangy cats to poop in all the corners.

This is why I LOVE to watch programs such as “Curse of the Lottery!”

Please don’t tell Joan that she owes any taxes.

OK……..

so I need to pay homage to my friend Nancy.

She cooked this delicious meal for me for my birthday and I wanted to showcase it.

Nancy is a hoot. She’s a little wild.

Once, she invited me to a Mexican restaurant in the Valley and said I could come early because she was enjoying cocktails in her car.

She made me a fantastic Rosemary Pork Tenderloin

Bryan Birthday Dinner from Kaisha 2010 002

and heavenly Mac and Cheese!

Bryan Birthday Dinner from Kaisha 2010 004

That is my random post for today. Stay tuned for my wine soaked adventures in Paso Robles this past weekend!