Bun Boy Eats LA
BUN BOY EATS LA - Archives for 2010 May

THE SIX

  • May 25, 2010 10:31 am

tortilla soup

The Venice boardwalk at 6 in the morning is a site to behold.

Picture it. Sicily. 1942.

Actually, picture it. Homeless Hippy Armageddon!

Seriously, when I ran past the gang of patchouli scented misfits congregating by the restroom, I literally see an army of scary, undead soldiers, commandeering the bathroom as their fort.

I continue running past that scene, and narrowly avoid random, dried puddles of melted milkshakes.

Every day, without fail, people are constantly spilling their frozen treats, I really don’t get it. They’re everywhere!

Please God, tell me those are milkshakes.

I run by a random homeless woman, cackling loudly with her friend. They both seem quite wide awake so early.

I’m assuming they had just frequented their favorite Venice coffee shop. Gertie loves her morning chai and will only drink soy milk. She’s picky, that one.

On almost every bench, I see cartons of orange juice. I can only assume some deli owner turned do-gooder has brought out breakfast for the Venice-After-Dark residents.

As I continue my run and survey the scene, I see the remnants of a huge block party!

I think once the tourists scurry away (from their severe allergy to dreadlocks) our lovable Venice-After-Darkies go wild!

There are all these chairs and stools and they’re ALL overturned. Lots of cardboard boxes filled with crap, and those are overturned too.

Everything is overturned or smashed on the Venice boardwalk at this hour.

I see these two women in neon vests attempting to clean up. I find their attempts wildly amusing.

As I transition into Santa Monica, I see a complete 180. Homeless; gone. Streets; clean. Waspy women in expensive running suits; check.

I love when I’m able to housesit in Venice, it really improves the quality of my morning runs.

THE SIX:

Very nice, small joint on Pico. Super expensive tortilla soup (at top) but tasty, nonetheless. Asparagus was awesome.

asparagus

BUN BOY EATS GREEN BAY

  • May 19, 2010 6:54 am

A single, perfect CHEESE CURD

A single, perfect CHEESE CURD

Green Bay, Wisconsin.

Football and Cheese.

And…that’s about it.

Well, I’m being harsh.

There are also a lot of churches and super nice people.

There’s obviously something fishy going on in this unassuming town…

Sorry, I was just distracted by a woman who came into my office, parading around a cold sore caked in makeup.

Darlin’, you’re not fooling anybody.

I only looked at her lip twice…about 6 less times than I wanted to. Pat on back.

Ok, so the reason for my journey to Green Bay was for the half marathon.

I usually travel with my friend Captain to various US cities to run full marathons. I find myself growing weary and so I opted to take it easy on this one.

Our friend Mamy Mumacher joined us. We all ran the Air Force Marathon in Dayton, Ohio a few years back and decided it would be fun to reunite for another attempt to break down our joints and destroy our knees!

We stayed with Mamy’s parents, Priest and Nun (much like Moose and Squirrel)

Except they were actually a priest and nun who hooked up! How cool is that?

On our way to the front door, we were chided by Nun “Shh! The robin is nursing her baby in the tree right there!”

Throughout the trip, I inevitably slammed the door several times, scaring the bejesus out of the mother bird and probably preventing precious bile-infused cuisine from getting to the baby.

Speaking of which, Priest makes us some incredible healthy pancakes for breakfast!

Green Bay Half Marathon 2010 004pancakes

We headed on over to the Fitness Expo to pick up our marathon bib at Lambeau Field, home of the Green Bay Packers.

Green Bay Half Marathon 2010 038fitness expo

This field is literally and emotionally the heart of the city. We spent the entire day in and around it.

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Green Bay Half Marathon 2010 010lambeau sign

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We had a beer, cheese soup and CHEESE CURDS at Curly’s Pub inside the stadium.

Green Bay Half Marathon 2010 034cheesesoup

I still don’t exactly know what CHEESE CURDS are but they are fried and DELICIOUS.

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And deserve to always be capitalized.

However, we encountered an issue throughout the entire trip that still haunts me today.

Captain and dairy do NOT mix.

And we’re in Dairyland!

Captain basically rocketed herself throughout all of Green Bay, with her very own, all-natural gas.

It was, at times, mortifying.

Especially in line for frozen custard at Zesty’s. We usually had to leave the line, pretending we left our wallets in the car. All of our wallets.

We were in the Packers pro shop looking for stuff we didn’t need (I bought some Packers PJ’s) when we stopped to “admire” the Brett Favre section.

Mamy ABHORS Brett Favre.

So, when Captain came over saying “I could take a crap on Favre!”, she literally spewed an apocalyptic portion of noxious odors and we joked that she had basically done the next best thing!

We spent the majority of the afternoon in and around BEST BUY.

First, Captain had forgotten her iPod, so we were negotiating with about 7 BB employees on the best way to have her boyfriend email the music to them and them to transport the songs onto a new iPod she would buy.

This took many hours and still didn’t happen.

We spent so much time inside that Best Buy, I now am a flat screen TV expert.

Mamy and I made sure to took an extra long time perusing Bed, Bath and Beyond as Captain and her boyfriend argue over the phone.

I then took a nap in the Prius.

I guess I must have screwed with something because when the iPod ordeal had finally come to an end, Mamy was unable to turn on the car.

After many trials and tribulations, we look behind us and behold! A Toyota dealership!!

Which had just closed for the day.

We eventually asked a kind Best Buy employee to jump start us and we were on our way.

Green Bay Half Marathon 2010 042prius

Captain scarfed down free bread samples we had gotten from the Fitness expo.

After all, starvation was imminent.

Priest and Nun cooked us a lovely pasta dinner and we all set out our running gear for the morning and headed off to bed.

We wake at 5:15 the next morning and drive to Lambeau Field.

It’s probably the calmest race I’ve ever been to. I have a good feeling about this…

We wait in the crowd at the start line and Captain gasses out the masses.

We begin our run and I do my best to keep up with the speedy Captain. Thanks to the Crystal Method I’m listening to, I’m properly motivated to keep up with her the entire time until she breaks off to finish the real race and I puss out and head to the finish line as she continues for 13 more miles!

Green Bay Half Marathon 2010 053marionbryanrunning

I finish the race running directly on Lambeau Field, quite exciting (I think)! There weren’t really any spectators in the field, it was basically deserted. Not even one cheesehead!

Green Bay Half Marathon 2010 023cheesehead

I meet Mamy and Nun and I decide to forgo my free Bratwurst and head to go cheer Captain on. We drive to downtown Green Bay at mile 22 and wait and wait. And wait.

We run by a 9/11 Twin Towers memorial

We run by a 9/11 Twin Towers memorial

Finally Captain runs up looking just as fresh as she did that morning, she seems quite rejuvenated to see us and continues on her way.

After Captain finishes (WHAT A ROCK STAR!), I furociously grab my free Brat and whine over the free beer they have just ran out of…

Green Bay Half Marathon 2010 067finishline

We head home so we can relax for a bit. Afterwards, we have a late lunch at an old railway station turned brewery and then get some of that obligatory frozen custard.

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Green Bay Half Marathon 2010 076custard

Priest drives us to the airport the following morning where Captain has to leave for NYC and I hope I can get an earlier flight out of lovely Green Bay.

Thanks Priest and Nun for the hospitality, humor and great food!

Thanks Green Bay for all the lactose intolerance!

RENAISSANCE FAIRE 2010

  • May 6, 2010 8:10 am

Renaissance Faire 2010 041boobs knife

Why does everyone think I’m joking when I mention my yearly jaunt to the home of the dry ass Turkey Leg, swingers disguised as medieval folk and BOOBS, BOOBS, BOOBS!

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Renaissance Faire 2010 012boobs shotglass

I don’t dress up. I don’t speak in Old English.

I eat good British food and make fun of everyone.

And there is so much ammo….

I asked (dragged) Chesty Morgan and Clyde along with me so they could experience what a lifetime of devotion to Dungeons and Dragons creates.

Beforehand, I spent the morning playing tennis with Chesty.

I hadn’t played since I was a teenager and I was, to put it mildly, not bad…

…if I were Elizabeth Taylor and you just tossed me out of my wheelchair, thrust a racket in my withered hand and withheld my morning cocktail before the playing began.

When we arrived at the faire, we stood in line for our tickets and had to witness the most obnoxious Renaissance Family.

There was an unusually tall teenage girl wearing a ‘Knights of the Roundtable’ getup, incessantly clacking two shells, which made the sound of a horse running.

Unfortunately, this horse did not trample the girl.

The entire family was dressed up but we all fixated on the most likely friendless maiden.

When she broke out in medieval song, we couldn’t believe our ears. She knew every word! As much as we felt pity for her boyfriendless future, we were probably wrong in our assessment.

I’m sure she was to encounter many a fellow freak through the gates of this shire.

As we were parched from our travels and required food and drynk, we headed to get our sausage rolls, bacon wrapped asparagus and raspberry ciders.

Renaissance Faire 2010 004sausage

Renaissance Faire 2010 005asparagus

A large woman with a larger bodice asked for my ID and after viewing my chubby picture said “Wow, I can see why you didn’t want to show me this!”

I was too in shock to be offended.

“If it makes you feel any better, you look great now.”

I can’t believe I still left her a tip.

Renaissance Faire 2010 014cider

We downed our ciders, got a little tipsy, used the privies and raced through the hoards of costumed weirdos to the booth that sold MEAT PIES!!

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Standing near what I believe to be the world’s perfect food, we discussed the difference between Shephard’s Pies, Cottage Pie’s and Scottish Pies. We got some of each.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!

Renaissance Faire 2010 019shephards

Renaissance Faire 2010 021cottagepie

We ate them in seconds, got our second round of ciders, than ran out of money.

We watched the belly dancers for a bit.

Paid two shillings to walk through a ghetto maze

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Took pictures in shackles.

Renaissance Faire 2010 026haller in shackles

Then we ate some more.

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The Renaissance Faire attracts a variety of individuals. Unfortunately, this doesn’t include anyone of ethnic background.

I’ll never forget my first year, I was standing in line and some guy in front of me turned around and said:

“There sure are a lot of Black People here”

Only he didn’t say ‘Black People’.

Once again, I was too in shock to respond.

Plus, he was wrong, I only saw a few.

Eventually, I got the hint that my guests wanted to get the hell out of there.

But we didn’t do so without gorging ourselves on chili cheese fries and a cream puff. Naturally. Much like what Queen Elizabeth would request after a night of too much ale.

Huzzah!!

Renaissance Faire 2010 039creampuff

BOTTLE ROCK – DOWNTOWN

  • May 4, 2010 11:25 am

Solik's Birthday Party 2010 015.jpgcupcakes

Work friends belong in their own category.

Sure, you see them all day long and you talk about almost everything. But unless you hang out outside of work, you drop them like a bad habit when one of you quits.

I always squirm when an ex employee I sort of knew comes back to the office to make the rounds. It’s worse when I really knew the person.

Then, I’m expected to say hi, give a handshake or even a pathetic hug.

And promise that we’ll have lunch sometime.

solik skewers

Why are you back?? Does no one like you at your current job?

Did you love it here that much?

Did you forget something scandalous in the bottom drawer of your old desk and you want to see if there was any fallout from its discovery?

Another common occurrence is bringing round the baby.

The woman who’s been on maternity leave so long you’ve forgotten her name, strolls down the halls, showing off her wares.

All you hear is ooh’s and ahh’s.

I usually shut my office door.

Solik's Birthday Party 2010 011.jpgpastries

Well, I’m not that bad. I do a drive by, see if the baby is cute, see if there’s an opening for me to get in there and do my googly-eyed baby stare and THEN shut my office door.

When I leave a job, I don’t look back.

I had an amazing three years at Pretzel Time. And sure, shortly after, I walked by and said hi to the new manager who was a friend, with the hopes of getting a freebie.

But could I imagine strolling in there, reliving my glory days?

No.

I have the 8 hours of videotape I can watch when I’m feeling nostalgic.

Don’t ask.

BOTTLE ROCK

Really fun wine/beer bar, went to a really fun birthday party here. Good aps, nice people.

1050 S Flower St.
# 167
Los Angeles, CA 90015
(213) 747-1100
www.bottlerock.net