Vegas. You get so amped up to go and then by the end, you just want to get the hell out of there.

The clanking of the slot machines, the clouds of cigarette smoke, the glutonnous buffets, the elderly Vegas residents arriving with social security checks clutched eagerly in their hands. It all becomes too much.

There was a time I would go at least once a year, but I haven’t been since 2005.

I figured I may as well check out what New Years Eve had to offer in Sin City.

We had the intention of arriving quite early. We soon realized that would not be the case.

As we grew hungry, we had a late lunch at the Mad Greek. A light lunch, knowing we would be eating a nice dinner that evening at Mario Batali’s restaurant, Carnevino.

I’ve been to the Mad Greek many times. It’s tradition. A greasy, noisy one.

Across from the street from the MG is the Bun Boy Motel. There used to be a Bun Boy restaurant next door, which is where I got my nick name. This is now a BIG BOY.

The hotel is quite lovely. I’m almost sure all the rooms come with complimentary meth placed lovingly next to the Gideon bible.

I ordered the Gyro salad, which I found fantastic. So greasy, it slipped directly down my colon.

Instead of staying in some hotel on the strip, we stayed at the Wyndam vacation rentals, in a nice 2 bedroom suite. It was super cheap, since it was six of us splitting it.

After we changed for our fancy pants dinner, Howler and I got stuck in the elevator. For longer than we would have liked.

To make things even more lovely, Howler dropped her drink and it splattered everywhere.

We eventually had to be pried out. I just knew I was to be decapitated that night.

For our trouble, we were given a bottle of cheap wine and a box of ghetto chocolates, which I ate in one sitting the following morning.

Vegas is chock full of fancy restaurants now. It makes my head spin, I want to go to them all. But I think we made a great choice for NYE Eve.

We didn’t want to fill up on food since the night’s goal was to obtain multiple adult beverages.

So, we ordered one plate of meat (it is a steakhouse, after all) and a bunch of veggies and pastas and split everything.

The brussels were my favorite veggie.

The plate of bone-in Rib Eye was $130 bucks, but it ended up being enough for us all to have a few pieces. It was a bit rarer than I prefer but still tasted mighty fine. I don’t eat red meat very often, so “mighty fine” the only adjective I can muster.

Mario Batali’s LA restaurant, Mozza, has an egg ravioli that is also featured on Carnevino’s menu. It may seem too raw but it’s so delicious you won’t even mind you may contract Salmonella.

Am I on the South Beach Diet or something?? I can’t believe this was able to fill me up!

We passed around the bone so that we could strip the remaining meat off of it. Luckily we’re all good friends, as it’s not easy to Purell a food item.

We finished up our wine, martini’s and weird nougats that were brought out in honor of Roy’s birthday.

The dinner was then paid for by Siegfried and Captain and we wandered around Vegas, looking at all the hotels, seeing the sights, drinking in bars with ladies dancing next to dueling pianos.

We had our picture taken by someone clearly not familiar with the word “Zoom”

We played Blackjack for a few hours, I think I won $60 bucks. Captain basically guided my every move to avoid complete failure.

Captain lost a $100 chip on the ground and after scrambling around Harrah’s, she was able to find it in the middle of a crowd. I mean, what luck?? Get us back to the tables, STAT!

After drinking and gambling and doing all sorts of naughty things, we headed for another late night meal. Or so I was told.

The next day we rose (at noonish) and headed to the MGM Buffet.

I had limited time, as I was supposed to see the O Show at the Bellagio shortly.

We ate our faces off, I decided nothing was really picture worthy except for the deserts. Each of which I wastefully took one bite out of.

The O Show was great. I’ve heard people make fun of Cirque de Soleil shows before and everything they say is accurate.

I loved the acrobatics but could have done without the tedious clown action. I thought it was common knowledge that not only are clowns NOT funny, but most people are frightened of them.

Since none of the gang had any interest in the show, I went alone. I met them at the new Aria hotel in the City Center. What a gorgeous complex. The skyscrapers look like they’re ready to fall on top of each other.

Well, not these ones.

We hung out at the Sports Book for about 4 hours. The waitress wouldn’t serve us our free drinks until we started betting. I bet on the Clippers basketball game and lost.

This loss was reflected in her tip.

We soon realized we needed to have dinner and had neglected to make a reseration on New Years Freaking Eve.

Not smart of us.

Even the wait at McDonald’s was 3 hours.

Every hotel on the strip was packed, but surprisingly the crowds on the streets weren’t as nightmarish as I had anticipated. Thank god.

We headed back to our complex, had a drink in the odd bar and took a taxi to Gordon Biersch, a chain brewery with pretty good food.

I ordered the Southwest Egg Rolls, which burned the crap out of my upper mouth skin.

Gordon Biersch closed at midnight. Not exactly convenient for us on New Years Eve.

As we exited the restaurant (but not before doing multiple shots of something called Nuts and Berries) we saw the fireworks explode from the rooftops of all the Vegas hotels.

It was quite a spectacular sight.

We then split up, as some of us were not feeling well. Howler and I headed to a spot where she was supposed to meet an old High School friend. When she did not show up, we headed next door where the cover was $50 a person!

I was saved from having to pay for Howler, as the doorman informed us she was too drunk too enter with me….

Cut to:

The Next Morning.

Check out was 10 a.m.

As soon as we woke up, we realized we had to be out of there a while ago. As the cleaning people knocked on our door, we were still throwing stuff in our bags, not even sure who’s stuff it was.

We had breakfast at the Bellagio Buffet. (The Buff). I had NO appetite for some reason. And I was pissed.

$35 bucks for a few bites of eggs and a half of a baby potato.

And a gallon of apple juice and water.

We were there for three hours. Laughing. Talking and not talking.

We then drove to Primm and spent the entire day there. Shopping at the outlets and doing some cheap gambling. I took a nap in the car.

We arrived home around midnight, but not before going to the Mad Greek again.

Captain ate Gyro meat that had fallen on the floor of the rental car.

It was truly an epic, hilarious, crazy way of ringing in the New Year.

However, I need to watch that movie, The Hangover.

If only to find out what happened to me this weekend.