This bland treat (god knows what flavor it was) was the root of my all my problems for about 2 full days.

Damn you Peruvian jello made from toilet water!

So, as you continue to read this chapter, please note there were about 134 bathroom breaks not accounted for. Fill in the blanks with your imagination, as this is a family blog!

Our next morning in Puno, we happened upon the Coca Museum and decided to enter, expecting to hear all sorts of sordid drug tales.

The lady at the counter asked us if we would like to see the museum. This struck me as odd. What the hell else would we be seeing? Clearly this museum is a front for something.

She led us to the main room of the tiny, two room museum and popped in a VHS tape showing local Peruvian dancing. But in between each segment, eerie new age music would play and someone would seductively drop coca leaves on the camera lense.

Here we are, fascinated*

*bored to tears

However, we learned nothing about the actual history of the infamous coca leaf which is what is used to manufacture cocaine.

However, not all varieties of Coca leaf possess the cocaine alkaloid.

Peruvians put the coca leaf (which is high in Calcium, B Vitamins and Iron) in everything.

We eventually grew bored, ditched the video and headed to the coca section of the joint. We were feening.

The room, however, contained too many things we had to read.

What is this, school? Forget it, we’re outta here.

A.K. was now on a mission to obtain fresh coca leaves and chew on the them like the locals do, rendering his mouth numb. He bought this instead.

We continued to wander the city, then we decided to relax at an outdoor cafe and have some beers.

We ordered these delicious ham spring rolls with guacamole!

This lady was positioned right outside our hotel. We bought lots of crap from her. Family, please note this is where some of your X-mas prezzies are coming from.

I had a few cups of coca tea while we waited for everyone to gather for dinner. I felt very awake.

I had my first Alpaca meal. Alpaca is a very cute animal that looks just like a Llama and tastes like a pork chop!

Peruvians sell clothing made of it’s fur. It’s kind of their thing.

Some of the group ordered the Peruvian delicacy, GUINEA PIG!

It tasted like a mix of Duck, Rabbit and, of course, Rat.

There is hardly any meat on this thing, kind of a waste.

Notice the tastful presentation, with a respectful crown of cucumber!

Thank god they left the teeth!

We headed to a bar afterwards and hung out. Nothing crazy happened. Sorry.

On our way home, we noticed this illegal use of random celebrities to promote a dentist office. I hope these ladies are getting the royalties due them!

The next morning, we head out on a 7 hour bus ride (with a highly questionable bathroom, the ground was covered in “water” and the sink filled with someone’s vomit. A most pleasant place to spend one’s afternoon)

On the way, we took unimpressive pictues of scenery (unless you have an amazing camera, most scenery pics turn out dull. You just have to be there)

We ended up at the Women’s Weaving Project. A little village where you could watch women make the Alpaca crap and where Captain purchased one of everything.

We also got to stand next to (but not pet, for fear of rabies, skin diseases, ect.)

Here’s an Alpaca Face Off!

Weave, women, weave!!

An Alpaca Meatloaf.

Cute. And tasty.

We landed in the Sacred Valley to the town of Ollantaytambo or something like that.

Or as Captain called it “Olleyantailtangoasdrfasdfljkasdflk”

Incan Terraces

More of the same.

Group shot!

When we stopped for lunch at this very nice restaurant is where my diahrrea started. Oh my.

Here is a picture of some amazing onion soup. Insert my running to the bathroom here.

A delicious buffet (Jimmy Buffet). Insert another bathroom trip here.

This is a Vicuna.

A miniature Llama/Alpaca who’s fur makes scarves that cost $1200 US Dollars! Huh?? Captain, put this thing in your purse, we’ll be rich!

They can only be shorn every three years, that’s why the fur is so expensive. You’re welcome for that tidbit.

Below is a cute parrot that would squak “Hola!” upon our exit.

Of course, I was in such pain from my frequent bathroom trips, I could have cared less. Although those feathers would have made some pretty soft toilet paper…

Until Monday, where we start the infamous, 4 day Andes hike, THE INCA TRAIL