I landed back in good ole Estados Unidos yesterday morning and already my exhausting journey to Peru is fading into the oblivion which is my memory.

The trip was epic, to say the least. But then again, all my trips abroad seem to fall into that category. Travel is one of life’s greatest pleasures. It’s an absolute crime if you have the opportunity to see the world and don’t. In fact, you’re kind of an idiot. Sorry.

We landed in Lima, Peru a few weeks ago.

We had heard Lima was no big deal, to not waste our time there.

We were to spend two nights there, regardless, so we had to make the best of it.

Our hotel, the Miraflores Antigua, was lovely. It was a restored mansion in an upscale neighborhood. Right near an enormous, tacky Christmas shop.

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The night we landed, but before we were to meet with the rest of our tour group, we aimlessly roamed the deserted streets of Lima, searching for an open (abierto) restaurant.

We entered several tacky Casino’s and even walked up to a McDonald’s as the bitch cashier locked the doors upon our arrival. We ended up munching on some trail mix in our prospective hotel rooms and calling it a night.

The next day we took a taxi to some church (it’s official name) which contained some really great catacombs.

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We missed the English tour, so we pointlessly took the Spanish tour, learning absolutely nothing as we wandered the church pretending to understand.

As we made our way to the depths of the catacombs, A.K. hit his head on the low ceilings. Cursing like a demon rising out of it’s boney grave, A.K. soon developed disgusting, infescted yellow sores where he hit his head.

Most likely he has contracted some deadly, ancient disease which will render him useless and zombie-like. Which will be difficult to determine as it is so much like his usual state.

The taxi’s in Peru are awesome. They are cheap, the drivers are actually NOT trying to rip you off, and they don’t accept tips! Our driver even tried to return our tip! Muy Loco!

We headed back from the urban side of town to the ocean, where we walked along the cliffs looking at painted ceramic cows.

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We stopped at this oceanside cafe to enjoy some Peruvian foods (I did NOT snap a photo of the ceviche which Captain ordered) We had some weird corn nuts-like snack with lime and hot sauce.

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Some really good tamales and local shit beer.

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and some really good fried Yucca (which I never saw on a menu after this meal)

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Many beers and Pisco Sours later (the official cocktail of Peru – very sweet – I couldn’t imagine drinking more than one) we met our tour group in a formal roundtable session at the hotel.

Captain, quite drunk, behaved quite admirably, making sure no one would mistake us for anything but the Ugly American’s we obviously were.

We decided to NOT have dinner with the rest of the group and take a taxi to this really cute, nice restaurant on the ocean called La Rosa Nautica. Very impressive place for which we were not adequately dressed.

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My fish in a lime / passionfruit sauce was incredible. It was to be the only time I consume fish on the trip, as I have a fear of fish bones when eating abroad. Don’t ask me why.

I once swallowed a tiny fish bone in this seaside restaurant in Alexandria, Egypt and had a panic attack as it begin to scratch and sever my throat muscles. Or so I thought.

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