Ah….Paradise Cove…conjures images of sandy beaches, fruity drinks, crashing waves on…coves…

Labor Day weekend and I’ve only been to the beach twice. Not acceptable. Unacceptable.

In order to rectify that, a few friends and I headed to Malibu for a day at the beach.

We met at Duke’s for lunch and drinks. We decided against eating in the restaurant as it was buffet only. We sat in the bar for about an hour waiting for a small table and a few barstools, eating nachos, drinking bloody mary’s (I opted out of alcohol) and enjoying each other’s company.

After Duke’s we drove north along the coast to Paradise Cove. What is Paradise Cove? It’s a restaurant directly on the beach, it’s also a private beach, it’s also a….mobile home park?

We hung out on the beach, feeling as if we were in a foreign country, for a few hours waiting for an open table. The six of us cramped on two beach towels, making ourselves laugh and wondering if I.H. would ever relax. “I can’t relax, I’m a jew!”

When our plastic lobster finally lit up and vibrated (the restaurant pager) we scooted on up to find out seats planted firmly in the sand. Quite nice.

I ordered some drink in a coconut and an obscene, enormous ice cream sandwich concoction. It actually had a Haagen Daaz bar jammed on top! Yes, please!

I needed the drink to avoid looking at the plate of hideous seafood that the rest of the table shared. Fruits of the Sea. Ahhh….such a revolting expression!

While we were driving back, stuck in traffic on the Pacific Coast Highway, we noticed the Malibu Fair coming up, looking like quite the throwback.

Lots of ancient, unkept rides that we were sure to be flung, screaming from when some rusty bolt came loose!

Let’s go!

We ended up stepping into a red carpet affair! Matthew McConaughey was there with his family, we also saw Patricia Arquette, Nick Nolte, Jeremy Piven, Rod Stewart’s son and Nikki Six from Motley Crew.

Our first ride was the Gravitron. Some of you may remember that spinning, gravity-defying nightmare. What was no big deal as children, ended up taking our breath away as adults!

We stepped into the rickety time machine, wiggling the rusted metal gate that protected the ride operator as we found our scummy vinyl seats. I remember watching Huey Lewis music videos as a kid. The TV’s had been removed. In it’s place was chipping paint and a fading memory.

As our faces began to smear from the pressure of the ride, we also noticed our lungs began to collapse! Wow, I did not remember this being so intense! Tennille and I looked at each other in hysterical laughter as we wondered how we would take our next breaths!

We rode a few more rides, including the Hammer; another creeky, precarious ride. Looking like it had just been dragged out of a bunker and dusted off, having not been used since 1986.

Before leaving for the night, we shared a funnel cake and walked around noticing all the rich Malibu kids in their designer shoes and $1000 purses, trying their best not to care that Matthew McConaughey was sitting right next to them devouring a hot dog.

28128 Pacific Coast Hwy
Malibu, CA 90265
(310) 457-2503
www.paradisecovemalibu.com