Today, we visited Waimea Canyon. The Grand Canyon of Hawaii. The view of the canyon itself, as impressive it was, kept disappointing me, as I’ve seen the Grand Canyon before and that is beyond compare. Here it is, regardless. Still, very beautiful.

Sorry, I have to pee. Give me a second.

OK, I’m back.

We drove up further to another lookout on the opposite side. This time showing the ocean. Now, THIS was incredible. But like most landscape shots, are very difficult to translate onto a picture.

After our viewing and deciding we were too LAZY to do a hike after our tramatizing Na Pali coast experience, we had a snack of salami and provolone and crackers and pickles (and a few sneaky beers) in this very large grassy area with Pine trees. It felt like we were in Anytown, USA.

Until the Roosters attacked!

I don’t know what it is with Kauai and the Roosters! How are they reproducing?? I never see any chickens. I think we have a not-so-secret gay Rooster colony here, folks.

After the gay Rooster assault, we headed to Salt Ponds beach. Is that really called that? Doubt it. But that’s where they make Hawaiian salt. And there’s a beach there. Mostly locals. We saw lots of open bed trucks with impromptu picnics and bottles of Jack Daniels sitting out openly.

We swam a little, I mostly read my Anthony Bourdain book, “Kitchen Confidential” while watching the red mud shores turn the water into the aftermath of a brutal shark attack. It was quite unnerving to be swimming in red water. We briefly spoke to some guy who was looking for live crabs and putting them in his pocket.

We left and headed back home to shower and change and met Thelma’s friends at the Beach House for a drink to finally watch the sunset. I ordered a Li Hing Mui Margarita.

Li Hing Mui is a dried salty plum. You may have seen these unnappetizing, withered dog testicles in a Chinatown near you. They’re everywhere here for sale. And they always look smashed up and moist. As if the have been sitting in the stores for so long waiting for some sucker to purchase them, that the dried fruit has just given up it’s act and reconstituted itself.

The marg was tasty but we needed to request another shot of Tequila be added. The sunset was lovely, however. We couldn’t wait to come back here for dinner in a few days.

We jetted back to the condo to make another amazing Ahi tuna meal with wasabi mashed potatoes and salad. The fish was, again, perfection (we are too nervous to buy any foreign Hawaiian fishies to eat – we’re such wimps) and the wasabi mashed potatoes were so damn good that…that…I think I’m going to eat the rest of our leftovers right now. I hope no one else wanted any. Like I care.