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Welcome to the Kern River!

A group of friends and I come up here every year to enjoy the serenity and excitment of the River. There is a large sign as you enter the area listing how many folks have drowned so far, which only amps up our adrenaline.

We do not stay in motels but camp each year. Last year’s camp site was little more than a dusty parking lot, so we chose to stay elsewhere. The campground was a river stone’s throw from where we would later be setting off for WHITEWATER RAFTING! (I felt it necessary to type that in all caps. I may even change it to “bold” later for good measure)

We set up our tents right by the river (and our friend M.C. slept in her Honda Element with a screen for the back so you can still have the feeling of being in a breezy tent. M.C. was ECSTATIC about this feature). It was so peaceful; the constant breeze through the trees and the rushing of the river.

My only issue with our campground is that the rail thin, possibly meth-addicted, staff informed us that we are to keep our driving speed at 5 miles per hour. This may not seem very slow, but in actuality, it’s pure torture. FYI, you do not have to actually push on the accelorator to achieve this break neck speed. The car already realizes you certainly wouldn’t want to drive any slower!

Let’s just say, we got yelled at on many occasions for driving 7 mph. Seriously. 7 mph. In retrospect, I feel intense guilt and shame for the pedestrians and wildlife we may have mauled driving at such irresponsible speeds.

Each morning we had breakfast at the main joint in town. Cheryl’s. Cheryl’s is a diner, pure and simple. They don’t have beets salads on the menu. Nor are the words encrusted, puree, or foam on the menu. They serve the basics, and that’s what we all required in our morning daze.

Last year, we had the unfortunate pleasure of eating at a spot which served ant-infested syrup and plastic wrap filled omelettes. Needless to say, we did not venture back.

I ordered the eggs, hashed browns and biscuits and gravy, pictured above. Oh, and when the waitress asked our drink orders, I promptly yelped out “Ice Cream!” I had no control over this. My body just knew what I needed. Thanks, body.

11030 Kernville Rd
Kernville, CA
Tel: (760) 376-6131

UPDATE: I feel some may be put off by the amount of ketchup I soiled my meal with. I apologize. Thankfully, you didn’t witness the progression of the meal as I smashed it up, adding even more ketchup and hot sauce to boot. Consider yourself quite lucky.